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Old 04-05-2015, 08:31 PM   #1
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Default A little Confession [ My True Story]

My Story

disclaimer: This is not Me in the video ^^ But in explanation to the feelings expressed in this story


I was born with Cystic Fibrosis, those who follow me on things like Facebook social media or my music movement know this. My current situation I've been dealing with only a select few within the community knew but, I have reached the "End-Stages" of Cystic Fibrosis around the end of 2013 (around the time I was promoted to moderator) As I got the promotion I longed for, I've also dealt with the battle of my life. Well I've been battling my whole life but its reached a whole new level.

Long hospital stays and vigorous testing to become a lung candidate is what I was going through, Also deep doubt and depression are some of the things I was going through, But in retrospect, this is the same situation that guided me here and pretty much set my life in the direction it's in now. (This is gonna be somewhat of a long story but please read it fully)

You see coming up, I didn't really have the luxury of having game systems & home computer ( I was poor growing up in philly go figures) All my life I've avaeraged about 6 hospital admissions a year roughly 3-6 week stay every time.

As you can imagine it got very lonely. One year the hospital started a program where they let CF( Sort for cystic fibrosis) Kids borrow laptops during their stays to communicate with other CF Kids. (Because in real life NO Cystic Fibrosis patient should be around each other ever! No matter Adult or adolescent.)

Now I wasn't really the social type so I wasn't much interested in chatting with other kids so I started browsing the web looking. Looking for a childhood favorite and clicking every link on google trying to find out how to play Street fighter game online with other people (my actual search query back then)

I finally came across SFO on Dec. 25th 2005 ( I remember very vividly because when I clicked multiplayer I seen a bunch of faces popping up saying whoopsies!!! with a christmas hat on. This drew my attention as well as the fact that I finally found a Street fighter game that I can play with other people!

Any who....I was a noob got owned left for about a week to practice in single player mode spamming sentinel and finally winning a match (on turbo at that)

I thought I was ready for the MP World....Little did I know, Expert mode and VIP perks would be the death of me. Anyway we all know how that go so let me jump past that. I first joined INK clan me and murder was close and one day he asked me did I want to help him make the clan website. I always was fascinated with how websites worked and how they were made. This is what drove me to learn more about it. Of course back then it was the free forums that everyone used to make on *************** but I dove deeper to learn how to program.


Anyway....That is what I chose to do in life follow my passion of computers. It's gotten me pretty far actually. Now lets go back to the end of 2013.

I'm graduation school in 2 more months (February 2014) and I just became Moderator, Hell Yeahz!!!
Things were looking up, and no not just for those 2 reasons but for the fact I graduated highest not only my class but the whole school being rewarded the most prestigious award my school had to offer. As well as a new nice High paying Job I've ever heard of someone getting just starting fresh out of school ( this was gonna be my first job ever in my whole entire life!)


Damn I was feeling so good about myself........MOSTLY.

Now yes mentally I felt on top of the world but physically my health was Sh*tty. I mean teacher and family members asked why I kept pushing myself so hard I should rest or take a break if I was feeling bad, but I couldn't.

You see All my life my sickness prevented me from doing a lot in life including finishing school on time and preventing me from a lot of things. I HAD SOMETHING TO PROVE! Not to anyone else but to myself. I told everyone "Once I Graduate the hospital can keep me for as long as they want then"

Well.....Careful what you wish for.....This hospital consumed the next 2 years of my life!

February I completed my course and the graduation ceremony wasn't until april so I said ok hospital I'm ready for my little 2-4 week stay (or so I thought)

They kept me, my lung function didn't get much increase, In fact it was dropping rapidly!

I went from 95% just turning 18 to about 78% at the age of 20 (around the time I transitioned to the adult program) Just turned 22 and I'm sitting at 68% (i.e: The end of 2013) Now 2014 began and after school completion I dropped to 40% then I got out the hospital in March and went home. That same night I was up all night because I couldn't control my breathing, My stomach was literally racing up and down so fast it wouldn't stop .

I consulted my medical crew the next morning they told me to go to the E.R I need oxygen. I went to the E.R got the Oxygen but that's when Sh*t got real.....They took me to the I.C.U (Intensive care unit) Because my body not only needed oxygen but I was retaining too much CO2 (meaning my body wasn't getting rid of the Co2 is was producing)

Now After they administered the Oxygen I felt normal so I thought they were over exaggerating (You'll get these notions when you spent half your life admitted into the hospital) That's when they checked my P.F.T's (Pulmonary Lung Function) and noticed it dropped to 34% (remember I just got out of a 3 week stay the night before how could it have dropped 6% overnight?) So this caused for some concern.

The next week passes and now my function is 24% then again at 17% my medical team decided with a lung function dropping so rapidly it's time to consider a lung transplant. Now this is not a "simple" procedure they have to do extensive testing to see so many different variables just to qualify you for such surgeries! thankfully everything lined up for me to be a candidate.

Now while I was going through all of this, I'll remind you I kept saying was around the same time as my Moderator Promotion. I did inform the Staff team what I was going through, they were very supportive. @TitaniumFist kept telling me, "Yo Life > SFO, Chill take time off handle that" but as I mention earlier....SFO is what led me in my life direction while I was going through these times so....its only right that this is what will get me through current times..lol

So I became super active (Although I was already hella active) I mean behind scenes "Creating" things. This was around the same time me and @YoureGonnaLuvMe worked and completed Retribution lol the most controversial TMC mode to date

Yeah a lot of people was and wasn't please with the mode at the beginning, the results, the bans the accusations lol, Very fun time for me really took my mind right off the real world...lol (cuz I'm the one that found the bug and saved everyone who was banned for the cheating errors) Yup 2 sleepless nights and a whole lot of repetitive debugging.

After that I disappeared for 2 days working on a private system. I resurfaced, boy did I have LuvMe worried.

Little do y'all know I have many innovative TMC Features that hasn't seen the light of say on SFO, But If did and were complete (Although some are very complete) would've revolutionized SFO GamePlay!

Main thing lacking to take it to greater hights were activity so its on the back burner, but I spent time advancing it and making ever more complex systems built on its foundation.


Sorry for dragging that out but all that was done within the time of the stay between February and March.

Back to the main point at hand. APRIL! Graduation! Yes! Although now walking with a new life partner ( A big ass oxygen Tank ) I made it and my life changed.....Then Two weeks later EASTER is Here Horray! While this wasn't a fun time for me, My family was taking care of me I couldn't do much. I couldn't even walk to my bathroom which was right next to my room. I received a phone call telling me my GrandFather had just passed away. Due to Lung Condition known as COPD.

Now the thing that haunted me the most is that christmas (dec 2013) I seen him and it scared me because I seen myself in the future going through exactly what he went through. Although I didn't know it was gonna be the near future!

Damn so now Easter has a meaning behind it now.....It really touched my heart I'm in the worst shape of my life and my grandfather just past away....and the equipment I last seen him on is now the same equipment that I am on. Plus More!!!!

So May arrived tests done I'm qualified and am officially on the Lung transplant list.Great, the only thing is in the northern region the average wait time is 2+ Years and my expectancy was only 2-6 months. So I'm in Pulmonary rehab and waiting it out. I start to stabilize and increase weight and staying at a lung percentage so my doctor refereed me to a new lung transplant program that'll be way less waiting time.

Again I tell staff, Yo I'm moving south new lung opportunity I might be gone for a while till I get settled. I finally got down here settled went through More advanced testing than I did up north and while attending a new pulmonary rehab program which is much like and doctors refer to it as a Boot camp 5 days a week everyday! which is one of 2 reasons which prompt me to create this thread you see.


Friday I had a doctor appointment and which they said Monday we will officially put you on our lung transplant list (which is tomorrow if you're reading this in real time)

Excellent right? What could possibly go wrong and on top of that they said My wait time will be 10-18 days!

So Amazing I am grateful truly am.

Now Today....Easter, I wake up and I'm like Damn Last year Easter my grandfather died, So he's on my mind all day. THEN, this afternoon I get another phone call telling me my Aunt just died (yes today on Easter!) .....WOW! And get this, Yup of a lung condition as well....

Now Easter has a double meaning for me.....and with me being listed tomorrow my mind starts to become heavy. One those is Tomorrow really isn't promised. Also I'm about to go through one of the biggest surgery a person could ever have. So I start looking up other transplant stories and things and this video just shed a lot of old thoughts and memories I had and also am Having.

I just figured, We never know what the outcome will be and of course along with everything this surgery has major risk.


So If I do or do not make it.....Or some Strange thing happens that will disable or prevent me from following up with everyone or to let y'all know how things are going. I just wanted to let everyone know my story and to really know what this community actually mean to me!



I really hope you actually read this whole story and not just skim it, Because to truly know me is to know my story and maybe an understanding of my battle.
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Old 04-05-2015, 09:07 PM   #2
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Man I know its hard with all of this and family deaths to stay strong through it all. I just wanted to say I was happy you got the mod promotion back when you did because you worked your ass off for it. I also didn't know you came down south or at least you probably told me but I forgot(my chronic fatigue is affecting my memory). So I just want to say I hope everything goes well for you and that includes the surgery and the future there after. I cant even begin to imagine the battles you have been going through.


You know you have had my support since you told me on ICQ and Tfist is right Life is always > SFO.


Your the man Kam and don't let anyone tell you different.
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Old 04-05-2015, 09:12 PM   #3
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Omfg dude I love you and I hope everything works out.

I never got to know you, but in the short time I've been a mod, I've come to appreciate this community so much more than I did when I was just a spamming asshole. I'm glad that I never got a chance to flame you. <3

You're awesome. Pl0x don't die.

Ever.

That would really ****ing suck bro.
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Old 04-05-2015, 09:52 PM   #4
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

I hope everything goes well.
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Old 04-05-2015, 10:58 PM   #5
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Dammit kam. You're supposed to be superman. I swear to God if you die I will literally bring you back to life and whoop your ass.

Read this and almost teared up, sorry for your losses bro. I love you man, I appreciate everything that you've done/do. Thank you for sharing. You're in my prayers from now on.
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Old 04-06-2015, 07:01 AM   #6
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Hey Kam, good luck.
I'm glad you shared your story. You have all my respect. You have done your share in shaping SFO and the people inside of it. We will all be waiting for the follow up, don't leave us yet.
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Old 04-06-2015, 10:50 AM   #7
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

U got my eyes sweating bro and your always so positive who would of known you are going through hardship I'm praying for u and I'm sure u will be back online and when u are come play so u can lose to the GOAT!
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Old 04-06-2015, 11:49 AM   #8
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Much love going out to you my man.
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Old 04-06-2015, 02:02 PM   #9
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

I hope everything goes well man. My prayer is with you. Stay strong.
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Old 04-06-2015, 02:29 PM   #10
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Nothing I can say that u haven't already heard yet so I'll just say see you soon.
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Old 04-06-2015, 03:01 PM   #11
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

My condolences on your losses, Kam, especially this newest passing. That's no easy burden to carry along with your own personal battles.

I would tell you to stay strong, but you're already strong in my book.

Hope and have faith, that that hope will come to fruition. You've done everything right, your homework, your on track for another big step in your life. Have faith.

Sometimes a little faith and hope is all that gets me through my darkest hours--that and the people I love/that love me.

We're all pulling for you to get listed and continue to progress from there, and we're all proud of the work you've done for SFO. I'm proud of you, and proud to know you.

See you soon, and thank you for sharing your story. (Read it all, watched the video. Moving.)
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Old 04-06-2015, 03:31 PM   #12
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

It's amazing that we hang out virtually with fun people like yourself and we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.. in the real world.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I am really rooting for you here Kam. You've come this far and I know you'll come back on top. Take is easy and keep us updated as soon as you are stable enough to.

Life is crazy at times. =/
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Old 04-06-2015, 04:05 PM   #13
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

can't say i'll feel bad when you die. i chose long ago to live a life without regret and im definitely not regretting having known any of you. of course the last thing i want is for you to die. so i will wish you good luck on your future problems. figuring out those problems is part of life. and death is nothing more then a passage we must all bear thru.

death is somehting that do not affects me, it did once in my life when i was 7 and experience my first lost. my grand father dieing of cancer. i have barely any memory of him at all. and that was the moment i knew i had to live up with death. when the only memory you have is of him lying int he casket, you know something was awefully wrong. i cryed so much and today i dont even know why i cryed for a perfect stranger. so to me death became a normality that day. as long as i dont get too close to the dead person (aka not going near the casket) i will not cry, it will simply pass on and history will be the rest of it all.

unfortunately this is me, everyone takes different roads to death, my best friend lost his mother about 3 years ago. 1 week before christmas. the next christmas, his wife lost hers. took them about a year to get full circle on both death. their familly, they are still shook even today. so yeah, everyone takes different times. as for me, when my grand mother died i had a lot of memory of her and i refused to see her on her death bed. i may have denied her the see of her grand son when she wanted it the most. its egotistical at worse and highly egotistical at best. but thats how i decided to remember her. her smile, her generosity, her life that seemed so good.

now im talking and talking and im getting further away fromt he point i wanted to make. so...
know that reguardless of what i chose to live for. i do not regret a single moment of my life. i made choices and i lived with them. so do you. the rest of those moments that you did not chose. dont let them put you down man. they may be hard, but they are just temporary and you should by now already know that there are people who do care for you.

gotta be strong for them.
just like i am for those around me.
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Old 04-06-2015, 06:25 PM   #14
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Best of lucky buddy, So good that you're finally going to get the lung transplant that you deserve.

I truly hope it all works out!

Look forward to seeing you back soon testing the limits of the SFO engine!
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Old 04-06-2015, 08:02 PM   #15
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Thanks for the words everyone, Much love to everyone in this community.

I'll still be around everyday until I get the call, I'll actually be in the servers tonight giving out spankings.
@SSJKarma: I too was like that seeing as how my past they told me I was gonna die about 3 times up until now. I lost my uncle around the same age you lost your grandfather, except I remember everything about him and the time we shared before his death.

Skipping to the past 5 years people say stuff to me and I'm like. "So, I been was supposed to die. If I go oh well" Having that attitude for a long while, All while becoming numb to other peoples situation and ever family death. Even those that hit close to home.

But, When your doctor tells you that you have 2 months to live, and you physically feel as though every word is true, you start thinking another way.

I started thinking about my nieces and nephews, How will they feel. Will they go through life with the same pain as I felt when my uncle died, except he was murdered.

How will my sister handle it. (We are the closest anyones ever seen 2 people)

A lot start going through your mind. Now I'm not saying your outlook is wrong because I too was the same way.

But what I say is, Once it's down to the wire, I'm 100% sure things you don't think will effect you will find its way to the surface. May it be good, bad or plain curiosity. You'll have thoughts you never had before.

You might even be forgiving to others you thought you could care less of.

I understand you wouldn't want to see a close one in that condition.


Let me tell you, When I first got word in and out the hospital on a bypap machine 23 hours a day, only 2 months to live. I thought well at least I'll be with my loved ones before I go.....Guess what?

Not many came at all....Why? Same reason "I don't want to see him in that condition, I can't"

Let me tell you being on the other side of that scenario....Feels very ****ty...VERY!!!

It wasn't the sickness that put me down, it was the people I loved the most and did the most for wouldn't even see me, Not even Answer my Calls!!!

That Sh*t will have you feeling at an all time low, Send you into a deep depression.

Time went by. Alot.

In the hospital nothing to do but think, Can't talk with a machine pushing your lungs open and close for 23 hours a day. Soon I developed an attitude like F*** it. It's not like it was my first time being along in a hospital for a while.

So miraculously I made an unexpected recovery and while not the best to be fully independent, just didn't care about much things anymore.

But it was the best thing that happened because the type of person I was. I always put everyone elses needs before mine.

Now I'm all about me. no longer Empathetic, Sympathetic, caring....Why should I be, I have my own issues. I quite often hear people complaining of problems (being unaware of mine) and I just smile like "aww, poor baby. It'll be ok"

Main point is. I can respect someone decision of not wanting to see someone in bad condition, but the person that's in that condition....Well....It can be the main factor that determines whether they'll Pull through, or just give up and die.

So to anyone in the same predicament. Just think how selfish do you really want to be to someone that is on their last string.


Sure, you'll feel sad for a while but at least make that person last moments worth while.

because there is nothing worth while in the hospital especially once you're in that state.
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Old 04-06-2015, 08:43 PM   #16
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Your family members dying on an easter due to lung conditions is nothing more than coincidence. It's not a sign, it doesn't mean you're dying next on the next easter. Nothing in our future is written. You've proven to be a strong individual. There's not much else you can do except for hope that everything works out for you. If fate decides to be a total bitch and **** you over, all I hope is that you will at least die with no regrets about the way you've lived.
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Old 04-07-2015, 04:59 AM   #17
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

i have nothing but respect for you, mx-reckoning
thanks for sharing your story
i hope by opening up your story it lessened the burden youre carrying
nothing more for me to say but always be strong, keep your faith and pray
God bless you, kam
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Old 04-07-2015, 10:50 AM   #18
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

* Smacks Orlando*
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Old 04-07-2015, 01:19 PM   #19
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Quote:
Originally Posted by blockattack View Post
* Smacks Orlando*
Yea, what do you want me to say?
I pray for you and hope you make it?


Sorry, I can't say that. If I say it like that, it just sounds too fake for me. A canned response to make one look good if you ask me. I mean, how many honestly really mean it?


Don't get me wrong, I do hope the best for Kam and that he does make it out of this alive, but unfortunately our lives aren't always sunshines and rainbows.
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Old 04-07-2015, 04:15 PM   #20
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

^ exactly.

the last thing you want with someone wanting to pass good times with you is to say bull**** to him/her.


Kam, the major difference between you and i, is that i started caring more for my familly instead of going outward like you did. yes i closed the doors for people i barely know. but that doesn'T mean i dont want to know you. death is inevitable. and i know what i did with my grandmother may have beent he only real mistake i did. but know this... my best friend, i've seen often at the hospital, even after his 2 tries at suicide. my mother and father, i got to hospital with often. and that fear that they get somehting bad is very very real.

but what helps passing it thru, is that life happens. thats the stuff i tell myself about everyday even when im sick and tired of the life itself. its life, it could happen to anyone. and as far as i am concerned i still live near my parents because i want to pass up every single moment i can with them. be the first to know when something happens, not the last. when it comes to it, your life will stop, but not the ones you love. their life will continu reguardless.

there is another reason i didn't wanna see my grandmother on that death bed. i knew her hospital room was full of people as well. all her childs, all her legacy was there. i know she asked for me, because she told that to my father. and you know what i got the next day from my father... my grand mother said good boy. she knew i was strong and her last will was that nobody should care for her death. she lived well, she had a loving familly. and shes proud of her grand childs. there is nothing more to want.

thats why im saying if someone needs to be strong for the others around you, it has to be you. my whole familly almost died out that christmas. nobody wanted to see anyone. the only ones that stayed strong and passed thru it was my father and me along with his brother and his child. all others took almost 1 full year to get passed it. now imagine if we didn't stayed strong... what would of hapenned to the familly.

thats why im saying... yes it sucks being ont he other side of the thing. but its life... and if it changed anything for you, for better or worse. then so be it. its called life. everything changes. and i do not want this to happen to me. but reguardless of me saying that i know it will. i dont want my loved ones to pass thru what you are living off right now. the same way you do not. but fact is, its life... it will happen to every single one of us.

i dont know how i will react when i'll be on the same position as you are now. along my path maybe something will change me before it. or i may not live up to that expectation at all. but i continu to think that as long as i can stay strong even in adversity or in the face of the inevitable... i think i can at least help others pass thru it.

man you made me cry in front of my stupid TV.
you are strong Kam, dont forget that. your body may fail, but your spirit can only if you want to. keep hope, keep strong.
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Old 04-30-2015, 08:31 PM   #21
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Exclamation Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

My bad for posting so late (things have been a bit crazy on my end ... for what seems like years now).

But I think that I speak for everyone who posted here (even though some could NOT find the right words) ... that we are all hoping you pull through and start feeling better soon. This community has already lost so much ... and we definitely do NOT wish to lose one of our key members

Lastly ... coming from me personally ... you will definitely be in my prayers. Just don't give up. Bigger miracles than this have happened in the past ... and it be nice to see one more added to the list
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Old 05-18-2015, 10:46 AM   #22
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

Thank you everyone


I just got called in for transplant, Hopefully its the one and not a "Dry-run" If so, if not idk I'll let you all know.

Wish me luck!
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Old 05-18-2015, 05:24 PM   #23
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Good luck bro hope all goes great.
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Old 05-19-2015, 01:50 AM   #24
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

exciting! good luck, really hope it works out
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Old 05-19-2015, 06:02 PM   #25
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Default Re: A little Confession [ My True Story]

no matter what happens, @Kam. Your still my friend/fellow staff member. Hope your doing well bro.
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