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Old 11-22-2015, 06:38 AM   #1
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Default the final path

https://youtu.be/DpOdtgeRDFo
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Old 12-04-2015, 11:49 PM   #2
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Default Re: the final path

Perhaps I should take things in an entirely different approach with you all. It's been 15 years already and this is something I just cannot stay silent on this any longer.

For years, I been in intense pain in my head and in my heart having coming from a rough background, living most of my teenage years as an outcast in society. Many of you are aware of my recent confession of my HIV status, becoming positive since March of this year. But a piece of my past I hid from you all, what I risked to stay connected... I cannot go on one more day from the bottom of my soul. Very few here know about it, but it's not fair to everyone else.... personally, it doesn't matter what you all view from this. Hate me, scorn me, you can turn your back on me.

Back in 2005... when I arrived home from school, 2 detectives were sitting outside my house, waiting for me... 2 years later after the interim period, I began a 10 year probation sentence for downloading underage pornagraphy.

-no computer in the house
-no police contact
-no leaving the city of new York
-attend a sex offense program once a week
-maintain a on the books job at all times
-provide proof of all my activities

End date December 2017

10 years I go through stress none of you can even phantom.... 10 years I obeyed these people like an obedient puppy dog in hopes of early termination, 10 years and I fought to prove to them I was not the monster they viewed me as.

-to be banned from joining the us military for life
-hear about trips abroad my so called friends never invited me on but... the timing on how the court process goes upon the request to travel... months in advance and the date comes and goes
-to ask for permission to go outside the city limits
-a curfew that doesn't even agree with a overnight shift
-to be put in life altering situations whereas you must choose between probation and your job

I already watched one friend stab the other in the chest and he bled to death, the other fled the city, then to hear about another jump off the verazzano bridge but not be told for months, and my best friend... in prison... we were gonna join the army together... now...

I'm tired.

So many days and months I walked and rode trying keep my head up, did everything possible to not just stay on good terms with them, but find another path to success.... and what all do I have to show for it? This associates in automotive that was a waste of time and money? Struggling to prove myself to these shops who wanted someone with 30 years experience? Then to learn that all the financial aid provided will never get me through flight school without thousands on my end to cover it

And now my health is on the line... a line they want to keep intact while I'm ready to cut it

I already been in and out of mental hospitals, in and out of central bookings, in and out of court and back, used countless times and severed many of those bridges yet nothing will ever change for me.

How can I even go on with myself to the next day or next hour if I infect another person with this accursed virus?

Yes, I want to die.

Because I'm alone....
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Old 12-05-2015, 12:38 AM   #3
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Default Re: the final path

I'm not here to judge you, no one has that right without knowing the full story. I strongly disagree with your past actions; especially of child porn downloading. But thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure many people within this community has one point or another accessed the deepweb and particularly the darkweb. I just hope that from one person's mistake, others can learn from it. Curiosity killed the cat.
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Old 12-05-2015, 12:42 AM   #4
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Default Re: the final path

Goodluck. With everything.
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Old 12-05-2015, 01:19 AM   #5
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Default Re: the final path

this is only internet, i know this may not be taken with anything and by the time i answer you probably will already have done the thing you shouldn't do...

my best friend lived a 3 year long trial like that. nothing with court and all, nothing with 10 years... but still a 3 year hell if you will... he was borderline, tryed to suicide 2 times one of them in front of me. i will say this much...

none of us saw ourself where we are today, none of us could ahve known it would go the way we did. and most of us have lived thru different trials. some worse then others for sure. i cannot and will not deny your trials. they are far worse then mine or my best friend for that matter... but saying you are alone is a very very far fetched idea... nobody can ever be alone man... search, make new friends.. take the time you have left to try and do stuff. being a lone is a choice, not something that happens on its own. you may not have any choice with that law thing, or that decease of yours... but you can definitely decide not to be alone for the rest of your years.

Take Kams for exemple...
stuck in hospital for much of his years. trying to cling to what was left of his life. if anybody could understand you it would be him. now hes gone yet he inspired a lot of us. because he chose not to be alone before the end. even if it was just internet relations he was happy to have people converse with him. solitude he never wanted. one fo the few last thing he told me was... there is nothing more wrong then dieing without anybody knowing. that was when i told him that i didn't see y grandma on her deathbed, because i wanted to keep the good memories. he told me he was on the otherside of that argument and hed definitely have wanted to see me before he goes.

granted he has his familly to see. i dont know much about your life so i can't say and im sorry if i offend you with any of this. its not meant to. but man... being alone is an effets of a choice. that can still change. find yourself some people who will want to talk who will want to chat. we're still here and i'll be happy to see your threads everytime i log in. i'll be sad the day i realise you dont post anymore for whatever reason.

there is nothing more wrong then being alone in this world.... but its definitely something you can do something about.
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Old 12-05-2015, 01:04 PM   #6
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Default Re: the final path

Video is meh.

Story, while interesting, I can't empathize with you.

... Child porn?

You kind'a dug your own hole with that one.

Subsequently, EVERY major decision you made seems to have left you ****ed up.

Why are you so inept?

You're too intelligent to be so.
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Old 12-05-2015, 04:10 PM   #7
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Default Re: the final path

When things turned to crap in my life I decided to make a change. Instead of waiting and hoping for things to get better, I decided to make them get better.

You have to start by setting small, achievable goals. No matter how small they may seem they are important. First goal: make tomorrow a better day than today.
Then move on to other goals. eg: Make someone feel good with a complement. Finish off something you've been putting off for a while. Talk to a relative you haven't spoken to in ages.

Once you achieve small goals, then start to set longer goals. This way you have something to aim for, and to look forward to. I do it with holidays. I know that if I work flat out and study hard for 12 months (no going out) I reward myself with a short holiday at the end of it.

Just remember you can only deal with the problems that are in front of you, one at a time. Prioritise them and deal with them accordingly. Don't bother yourself with problems/issues that are out of your control. If you can't physically fix a problem yourself, but it has a high priority on your list, then seek help from someone who is able to help you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I learnt that the hard way too.

As far as the past goes, everybody has done dumb or stupid things in their life. Nobody is a saint. As long as you learn from your mistakes you can move on and better yourself as a person. People who don't learn from their mistakes are the ones who spend time wallowing in their own misery. This is not you as I can see you've already admitted your wrong-doings and taken measures to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I hope things get better for you, as Wolfeh said, you're too intelligent to let this bring you, and keep you, down.
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Old 12-06-2015, 11:12 AM   #8
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Default Re: the final path

Also I have to ask, dubya tee eff made you a *** child porn watcher anyway? Did someone touch you when you were a kid or something?

I mean how did you NOT expect taking it up the arse would lead to this?
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Old 12-06-2015, 04:56 PM   #9
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Default Re: the final path

Wolfeh, lay off!

He was 18 when it happened, so technically searching for pics of someone who is 16 (only 2 years younger) is classed as child porn. Kids these days have snapchat and stuff like that, so there is "child porn" being passed around schools like candy.

Give the guy a break.

at 18 years you are still a dumb kid. You know next to nothing about how the world works (although you think you know everything), and everybody makes mistakes.

He did the crime, he's doing the time. 10 years on the register, with all the other restrictions, is punishment enough. Although I don't know snake personally, his posts reads as though he's truly remorseful for his actions. I mean, to go ahead and admit something like that to a bunch of strangers, is a step in the right direction, courage-wise in itself.
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Old 12-06-2015, 06:01 PM   #10
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Default Re: the final path

Admitting something solves nothing.

As a parent, I wouldn't give a **** if he killed a bitch THEN raped her dead body.

I wouldn't even care if he hit someone with his lame ass Mustang and kept going.

I have no respect for someone willing to go out of their way to not only watch, but download and potentially solicit the material?

Disrespectful.
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Old 12-07-2015, 12:47 AM   #11
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Default Re: the final path

can you share me the link where to download such stuff? lolz jk!
seriously, past is past, nothing we can do about it but to move forward
im not gonna judge you for who you are, we all made mistakes in our lives one way or another
after stumbling down, whats important is how you get up in life
the system, may be rough, but it serves to rehabilitate your being, accept it as a challenge and move forward
im not gonna ask you why you did such thing, but i suggest you surround yourself with positive people
most of the time, people lost their ways because of influence of their peers, be it family, relatives or so-called friends
yes, you maybe serving your time with psychosocial rehab, but i feel what you need is spiritual healing to cleanse your mind from the negativity in this world
dont laugh at me
when was the last time you stopped in a church, just sit down and pray? evaluate your life and ponder things?
most of the time were living in a fast-paced world that we tend to forget to appreciate our life
i dont know if you remember this but during the months when i was activel playing this game, i asked you in-game if you can be my friend and you said you always consider me a friend
although i was only trolling the chat, i really appreciate it
dont turn your back on your friends, no man is an island
like karma said, being alone is your own choice
appreciate life, appreciate your surroundings and most importantly, surround yourself with positivity
ps: i also consider you my friend
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Old 12-07-2015, 07:05 AM   #12
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Default Re: the final path

beware though, beocming positive usually means you sytart seeing negativity in people...
somehow my familly was always positive about things, or so i saw them like that... then i became much ore positive in life thanks to some friends. and now it seems like my fmailly has become negative.

thats how the human being are in general, we always see what we want to see in people. and at some point we need our glass prison to shatter to see the reality for what it is. everything we do up to this point in existence was a choice. even if it was an obscure one, it was a choice. i think you are only noticing what kind of life your choice brought up. thats the first step in changing one life for a better one. its not about changing your personnality or who you are. its about going forward in life.

the only challenges we cannot pass thru is death. but its also part of life.
do what must be done while you still can.
but dieing by your own hand shouldn'T be anywhere near your top prioties right now.
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